Americans and their lawns

There is a funny thing about Americans: their LAWNS

In the United Kingdom, a "garden" is any area of cultivated green space adjacent to a dwelling – a lawn, a paved area with more greenery than not in pots and planters, a formal set of flower beds, whatever.  In America, this kind of space is called a yard.  Most typical suburban homes have a front yard and a backyard.  For some reason, the back one gets compacted into a single word.  "Backyard" but not "frontyard."  Go figure.  When people here say garden instead of yard, they usually mean a vegetable garden, or a public flower garden.

The ideal American home has a lawn as the front yard.  What is a front lawn for?  NOTHING! Typically, it is never used for anything except separating the street from the house.  God forbid anyone should walk on it! It is a moat of green grass, similar to the moat of a medieval castle! It is a perfectly manicured living carpet of green, with the consistency and appearance of a putting green, or the grassy courts of Wimbledon, a buffer between home and street. 
   
Children are not to play on the lawn, pets are not to walk on the lawn.  There might even be a “keep off the grass” sign.  In most cases, the lawn is regularly treated with chemicals to ensure that no other plant – defined as weeds – grows there.  

It is, in other words, a gigantic testament to the home owner’s ability to control his environment.  He is the master of his own domain, the same way an English lord of yore was master of his castle.  In fact, the lawn is likely a vestige of the British isles, the only place in the world where lawns apparently grow naturally.  In America, large sums of money are spent watering lawns, especially in dry southwestern climates where the lawn  makes no environmental sense.

Furthermore, do not think that you can simply decide *not* to tend to your lawn.  What is that meme? One does not simply decide not to maintain his front lawn! If you live in a neighborhood where lawns are common, failure to tend to one’s lawn is tantamount to being an immoral person.  If you fail to treat your lawn and it becomes an unsightly shade of brown, or you fail to mow it and it grows higher than the prescribed one inch, your neighbors will speak ill of you behind your back, and make judgmental comments about the possible state of the interior of your home.  If you live in a wealthier neighborhood subject to homeowner association (HOA) rules, your neighbors will report you to the aesthetic authorities, the Homeowners’ Association, an institution comprised of busybodies and malcontents eager to snuff out individuality and nonconformity, lest it lower property values.  

And if you decide to plant a high shrub along the street, thus turning your front lawn into a semi-private enclosure for your family’s enjoyment, you will be deemed to be unneighborly.